i CAN cook!!!
ladies and gentlemen, here comes the news. i cook today, gulai ayam and sayur bayam and ayam goreng berempah! yam yam yam.. nyum nyum. hah. take that. i surprised myself with THE determination i have going on inside me.
since mak asyik bising2 with THE maid yang sangatlaa SLOW in everything, i kesian so i did the cooking while THE maid buatla keje2 senang. some idea about THE maid : potong bawang pun lambat and siap nangis2 ~ NOTE: i do that too! but hello! i dont work as A maid and shudnt A maid be expected to at least be able to kupas the damn bawang? and at least i takbuat muke kesian.. and i get the job done. ni tak. sejam la it wud take her to ready all the bahan2.. sheessh.. so tats why you gonna see me in the kitchen more frequently these days.
mak pulak keep on bebel-ing on THE maid. Kesian gak tengok. terkebil kebil. and my dad said something funny BUT true. die kate, THE maid has only such and such tolerance level- everyone has their tick off point. so what if.. Just what if, THE maid finally had enough of all the naggings and sarcasms from mak, and loses her mind (she doesnt have much- trust me, i dont kutuk stupid people, but she just doesnt think! and tat pisses me off sometimes after telling her the same lame things EVERYTIME!) and stabbed my mom with a knife she’s holding ke, simbah my mom minyak panas ke.. and tat made me think. my dad IS right. to what extent does our patience control our actions?
so i am just gona be nice to her. talk to her baik2.. and i think that’ll achieve the same result if not better than the nagging my mom is pouring down on her. and you know what. THE maid talks a whole LOT! and nobody and i mean NOBODY in the house really understands the big chunk of the things she’s trying to say.
but anyway, i hope the above mentioned things of THE unthinkables dont happen. i sure as hell cant say “told you!”
sanity. that brief moment u start losing it, are the moments some of us live to regret.
so anyway, in the news ~ abby and norman is getting their second divorce. made me wonder - dont they learn anything from their first one? it is such a sad thing to happen, they HAVE THREE beautiful kids TOGETHER. and dont they ever think of how to make the marriage works instead of going their own separate ways? how selfish. dont make babies laa.
and i think what they had in mind is a perfect happy marriage. is there such a thing? no. i am not being bitter about this. am just stating the fact that most of us wants happily ever after - but dont think that God just gonna hand it to you in a lovely pink basket with a note “I grant you the perfect marriage”. marriage takes more than the akad and the lavish kenduris. have some guts to save the marriage. have faith.
but i also acknowledge the fact that you cant have everything. and for some reasons, God allows divorces. He knows better than what we can comprehend. so maybe ade hikmah, this we have to see. Qada’ and Qadar.
ok. til then. i am currently unemployed. so i have time for this.
more to come. should THE maid did anything sillier than silly.
ps: I wouldnt want to be my mom’s maid. my own worst nightmare.
to live by..
okay so it has been awhile. miss me? i do. and arent i the darndest thing? My conscience is prompting me take off the post “as we move along” considering the comments received and i realised i better not put up more “emo” blogs online for the sake of jaga hati orang. (here i thought that noone wud care much)
i have been unemployed again! being in carigali for 2 months and a half, and decided to quit. only to find out that i’ll only be going to venezuela in DECEMBER provided that the venezuelan consulate there wud approve my visa application. is it too much to think that me - muslim has something to do with the delay? or not? who knows.
all i know is that i am once again a boring person with little money to spend.
but that aside, lets talk about hate. amazing isnt it. how it brings you together. and how easy for us to let the hate alone erases all the good things the hated person has. speaking for myself for the wicked things i have said and feel towards certain people.
and how, we bring people down. it really is scary. and this happens everyday.
and how i used to say “words are just words”. words are all there is needed to spread hate. i know this, and i think you know it too.
and so. let that be my reminder.
and anyway, i am now back in KL.. bye2 kk.. for good. and i sure miss all my friends there.
starting with my roomate aishah, ida, NICK!, aimeeR, pearl, nat, ali, hariz, fong, ivy, edmund, kak tiqa, myra.. etc
great2 people.. gonna miss waking up aishah for subuh and her great cooking and us bickering on what to put inside the kuali, ida’s sweet smile and the morning rides to the office plus the waiting =p, nick’s free breakfast and his peculiar way of saying “geng” and the way he says malay words- laughable, aimeer yg amik gambar tutup mata and the one who sings sayang kinabalu thru the end, pearl my escape buddy and nat for making my stay in SRE liveable, ali and hariz for being such cool kawans, fong, ivy and edmund - these people are just adorable in their own ways, kak tiqa - for helping me out settling down during the early days, appreciate it more than i can ever imagine, myra for introducing THE BEST asam pedas in KK..
i am so blessed. with all these good friends.
Thank you.
and mas is going to have her kenduri on the 29th. kenduri kawin ok?
i might be going.. will drag along fatin and kak hannis..and hid jugak if she’s free..
kawin..
hmm..
any thoughts on tat?
kota kinabalu
It has been awhile. I am now in Sabah. Designated post:
Reliability Engineer.
Boss: One, Colleague : One , and there’s me and one
trainee (Pearl – her real name) in the department. Weee!! Or so I convince
myself to be. The first week. Was real pain. The section is in its relocating
phase. I haven’t got my own work space and computer yet. But how can I
complain.
Found a house. Elopura apartment. Kinda cool. Be staying
with aishah and this one field engineer whom mostly not at home. She’s nice and
tats what matters. Ade kitchen and WASHING MACHINE! Yeeahaa…
Staying in hyatt for 2 weeks before moving into the
apartment.
All is great. I made it so. For me if not for anyone else.
Glass half full.
Picture below is the sunset view from my balcony. Nice huh.
I woke up every morning to this.
hold the lift, would you?
ok.. so tadi i went to lhdn for setem duty stuff.. (initially pegi post office - setem)..duhh
and so done with everything nak balik and turun lif..
there were soo many people going down jugak.. and everyone was like rushing in.. so i am being polite and see no point of tripping others to get into the lift, masuk la last.. and the people inside doesnt even have the courtesy to hold the lift for me? and i had to tahan the door with my HAND? i was like.. HELLO?
malaysians please.. being tactful.. bukan susah pun nak press down a single button to prevent pitiful people like me from being crushed by the door..
sigh.
i am not being judgemental or what.. but dont you think tats what malaysians lack of?
courtesy.
and you think moral education in school is a waste of time.
maybe we never paid too much attention in class anyway.
life’s like that.
so i am passing time doing stuff like sleeping and running errands..
swimming and jogging.. my legs are a lil sore from running..
swimming still the best..
and PHELPS rocks!
see how fast he goes?
phenomenal!
yea.. duduk umah watch olympic games.. kill time! kill! kill!!
haha am losing it.
and while i was thinking..
yet another day, where mostly spent in bed. trying to sleep and wishing the time wud clocked faster. so i dont have to deal with yet another day of degeneration of this poor brain of mine. (not that i have tat much left in me)
so i had this idea. of volunteering in the nearby anak yatim house. tutoring or sumthing. but tak buat pun.. instead i went swimming and slept for the rest of the day. am soo wasted. in a sober way.
yesterday, borak2 ngan yus lagi.. i miss him. din realize that i have this thing for him so bad.. haha and it took a lot of breakups to make me realize this. but oh well..
i am in a bad bad situation now.
so restless now.
i know i said earlier that i am enjoying this moment of not doing anything. but as of now.. i am going nuts.
give me something to do. i cant call yus, i cant talk to him and i sure miss him.
and i have got nothing to do in my hands now that i feel my brain is actually shrinking.
am learning spanish. but i am currently stuck in lesson 8. and i keep on forgetting. its because of this restlessness state. i cant concentrate.
demmit.
i need activities. and get paid for tat.
Rumit
i din know what or why, but my friendster login page is in bahasa. and i came across the word rumit to simplify my so-called "complicated" relationship.
i sent yus off to abu dhabi yesterday.
was an emotional occasion for me. i know i told myself so many times that i will be okay and WILL NOT cry.. but i did. and i felt a pang of gloomy-ness soon after he waved goodbye.
just tat i felt like i have been taking our relationship for granted lately. i refused to be defined by with whom i am now. but it felt heavy. and i sure know tat i do misss him even more and regretted being egoistic and stupid all this while tat i have had him.
and maybe, it is the idea of "having" someone. closed up and personal. and afraid when things go wrong. and have everybody talking about it. and you have to pretend like it is just another day where things are just fine. when obviously they are not.
he called tadi. we talked for over 4 minutes before it was being cut off. =) he called.
and tats all tat matters.
ps: it is only complicated because we let it to be. otherwise, it is sweet as candy.
cicak kering..
ok. so i finally decided to clean my car.. with caution. not knowing what i might find in there. so u know the usuals.. buang sampah, buang resits lama, mineral water lame, payung, etc.. and i lifted the carpet and there it was.. the cicak. dh mati rupenye. padanla lame tak nampak .. must died of heat stroke or sumthing. terbalik. sape suh duduk dalam kereta. oh well.. my car is finally cicak-free again. yeay!
and yus is leaving friday. tat is tomorrow. and i am feeling restless here. sad maybe. din know what to expect. we din promise each other anything, and tat in a way maybe the right thing to do. with life changing so quickly, who knows what’s gonna happen in the future.
and maybe there is something calming about not having too high an expectation. so if you dont get it, you wont feel tat bad. but it feels awful anyway. right now tat is. cant wait to start work and get busy.
the one who is left behind with nothing to do - suffers the most.
i hope to avoid mental depression. or any other kind of mental illnessess for tat matter.
i am now, a spider solitaire addict. i cud just turn on the pc for just tat and kill the time for it. i live and breathe it. even before i go to bed, i have the visions of the cards before my eyes and contemplating my next moves. and i seriously think i need to get a life!
i am learning spanish and the problem is tat i dont feel like i am. learning tat is. i need to have a system. or get the proper cd/books or something. or maybe , just maybe.. i am plain lazy. and a pain.
strenghten my point on me need to have a life of my own.
been going to the pasar a lot lately. tadi mak ajar on how to pilih sotong fresh. and ikan. mate merah is baD! badan sotong putih is good. but if the kulit tertanggal means bad. yea. i remember.
and i am bored.
and to yus,
good luck kat sane. remember me as i remember you. miss me like i miss you. and whats the worst thing that could possibly happen to us? we have enough records of break-ups in our hands. but i LOVE you anyway!
take care.
sob sob
sidelines
okay i got this.
before : when things went awfully wrong, i mostly pretend i am right. or move in the other direction. absolutely different. just so i dont have to deal with it.
now : it’s easier to let tat pass me by. and move on. to say that running away dont make things any right.
relationshipwise. i am not too sure anymore. neither him. we are getting by. neutral and kind. and no more silly fights and arguments that i have come to miss. deep down - i think he could not be bothered by those arguments anymore. and i stop to care. he’s leaving soon. and so am i.
so is this it? a phase?
my fav line.. time will eventually tell.
ps: i cant stay in my 50 kg. i get fat. tats what i do. now.
oh well..
yeap.. been missing for awhile. a time to reflect and be by myself. and sulk. and sink.
i might as well..
